


To Rhett, Love Link

by MythicalCatie



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, Dead Rhett, Depressed Link, Depression, Heavy Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-02 01:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythicalCatie/pseuds/MythicalCatie
Summary: After Rhett dies in an unexpected accident, Link writes him letters he'll never read.





	1. Chapter 1

Link’s hand trembled as he held his pen to a piece of stationery. Tears still streamed down his face from the events of the day, and his eyes were drooping from his being up so late. He couldn’t sleep without getting some words off of his chest. The clock read 2:03 in the morning. 

_ Dear Rhett,  _

_ I just lost you today, but I already miss you. I feel so weak without you here.  _

_ It was torture identifying your body this afternoon. When the police officers showed up at our door, I was praying to God that there had been some mistake and they had gotten the wrong man, but then I got there and it was  _ **_you_ ** _ and I wanted to wretch. I should have known; there was only one Rhett James McLaughlin in this town.  _

_ Your cold, blue body sent shivers down my spine, and all I wanted was for you to warm up again. I hoped that you would suddenly wake up and reach out to touch me and it would all be okay. It broke my heart when you didn’t, even though I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I still wish that this is all a dream.  _

_ I didn’t want to leave you once they had me at the hospital. I held you for hours, bo, and I didn’t want to let go. They had to call my mom and dad to come pry me off of you. I was crying, Rhett, harder than I’m proud to admit, but they made me leave you.  _

_ Mom and Dad took me back to their place afterward, and Mom cooked for me. She had her heart in the right place, but I just couldn’t bear to keep anything down. Every bite came up almost instantly after it had gone down. I can’t imagine myself wanting to eat ever again.  _

_ I can’t believe that you’re gone, and I can’t wrap my head around all of the things that both of us are gonna miss. I’m never going to see your smile again, or hear your beautiful laugh, or hold your hand. You’re never gonna hold me in the middle of the night again, or kiss me at the breakfast table, or say you love me for no reason at all. You’re never going to have another birthday, another Christmas, another layer of interest. You’re never gonna see another sunrise or have another cup of hot cocoa, or pet another puppy. We’re not going to grow old together, Rhett. We’re not going to be crotchety elderly men on rocking chairs on our front porch yelling at kids to get off our lawn. But the worst of it all is that we’ll never have the chance to realize all of our dreams. We won’t get to continue our Youtube channel, to move to Los Angeles and become big stars like we’d thought. We won’t get to suck life dry together.  _

_ You’re leaving me alone, bo, and I don’t know how to continue on without you by my side. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life alone? I have so much of it left. I’m only thirty-two, but I don’t know if I can fall in love with anybody else, even if I have the time. You’re the only one I can love like I do. Nobody will ever compare to you, darlin’.  _

_ It’s late, now, and I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without being wrapped up in your arms. I suppose I could try, but I think I’ll just lie awake all night. How could I not when I haven’t slept a night without you in twelve years? _

_ So, goodnight, Rhett. I’ll come and visit you tomorrow. I don’t know how many more chances I’ll get before we bury you.  _

_                                                                                                                                                                                    Love, Link _

Tears had fallen on the stationery throughout the writing process, something which Link paid more attention to as he put his pen back in its rightful place. He couldn’t blame himself, though, knowing that the experience as a whole was painful, nevermind dwelling on all of their missed opportunities. 

He felt heavy as he dragged himself into bed and under the covers. He felt too weighed down to make the trek to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and he decided that missing just one night couldn’t hurt.

Link closed his eyes, and all he could see was Rhett’s lifeless body below him. He knew he wasn’t going to be getting any rest that night. The clock read 2:39 in the morning. 


	2. Chapter 2

Link hadn’t bothered to take off his suit or even loosen his tie despite the fact that he felt like he was being strangled. He was sure he’d feel that way even without the tie on. He just needed to get his thoughts out. The clock read 5:00 in the evening.

_ Dear Rhett, _

_ We laid you to rest this morning. Cole officiated your funeral, and he cried the whole time through. So did I. I had to hold your mother for him since he couldn’t.   _

_ It was hell listening to how your life had  _ **_gone_ ** _ , how it had ended so tragically soon. How you took the thirty-three years you had and lived them to the fullest you could have while I knew that wasn’t true. You could have done so much more.  _ **_We_ ** _ could have done so much more.  _

_ I mourn for the loss of wonderful, beautiful you, but I also mourn for the loss of everything that we won’t be able to do together, of all the things that you won’t get to accomplish. You still had so much life left to live, and it was all wasted.  _

_ They let us stay for the burial, and to be honest I almost jumped into your grave. It took your father and mine to hold me back from taking the leap and being trapped six feet underground with you forever. Though I have to admit that wouldn't have been so bad as long as I could have been with you. I threw the most roses down onto your casket. I practically brought a dozen just to show you how much I love you. If I’d been allowed, I would have filled up the whole damn hole. _

_ It rained as we buried you and I thought that that was appropriate.  All of the sun and all of the happiness drained from my life the moment that I found out that you were no longer with me. It was only fitting that at your funeral, the rest of the world was experiencing it, too. If I'm being honest I hope for there to never be another sunny day as long as I'm alive because seeing it would only remind me of your smile and the way you once lit up my life. I'd wallow in the rain and the thunder and the storm but at least I'd know that I wasn't betraying you by enjoying the feeling of the sun kissing my skin. _

_ I hope to wake up from this nightmare soon and hold you in my arms once again, but I fear that I never will, that I'll be stuck here until I'm just a memory, too. _

_ Love, Link _

Link pinched himself as hard as he could, hoping that it would jolt him from his waking terror,  but no matter how hard he bruised his skin with the marks of his fingernails, he was still victim to the horror of not having Rhett by his side. He hated himself for not being able to escape his worst fear. The clock read 5:15 in the evening. 


	3. Chapter 3

Link hadn’t left the house all day, and he hadn't showered in three. He hadn't realized how hard this time of year would be for him, seeing all the love and affection coming from other couples and not being a part of one of his own anymore. He supposed, though, that the least he could do was write to his love and try to convey his experience of the horrible month of February. Maybe that would be of some help. Maybe it would be cathartic. The clock read 7:03 at night.

_Dear Rhett,_

_Today is Valentine's Day, and I want to start off this letter by saying that I love you._

_It hurts me that I can't love you in the same way that I used to. That I can't love you in the same way that hundreds of couples that I saw today we're loving one another just as we did before your passing._

_I feel guilty for being jealous of all of the people in love who I see today and every day. They have what I can't and even though they might deserve_ _it,_ _I wish they didn't have it either. Life isn't worth living without love. It's a joy that goes hand-in-hand with being alive, and all I find when I look into my heart now is an absence of the adoration and admiration that should still be filling it to bursting._

_I see people in love and it makes me sick to know that I'll never have it again like I had it with you, and to know that I might not ever have it at all for as long as I live. I'm not capable of replicating the love that we once had in the way that a potential next partner likely deserves.  I can never love someone as deeply as I loved you. there were no words to describe the way that I loved you, but I can quantify it with everybody else. My love for you ran so deeply and truly that it is too pure to not be one of a kind._

_There's roses on the table. I wish you were here so that I could give them to you._

_Love Link_

Link picked up his cell phone and ordered dinner for himself from a local pizza place. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to keep it down. The clock read 7:18 at night.


	4. Chapter 4

The room was dark except for the lamp that illuminated the desk that Link was penning his letter on. He was in pajamas, when he knew full well that he was supposed to be in a suit or better yet a tuxedo. It was his wedding day. The clock read 12:00 noon.

_ Dear Rhett,  _

_ Today is our wedding day and instead of being at the altar with you, I'm sitting alone in our nearly pitch black bedroom writing to you what I shouldn't have to be saying.  _

_ We dreamed of today for years, and planned every little detail for months and now it's all going to waste because of a tragedy that we could have both done without.  _

_ I always thought that the sound of my voice calling you my husband would be the sweetest victory of my whole life. It would roll off my tongue so easily that if it was if I was born to say it.  _

_ Our honeymoon is still booked. I hoped that I would have the strength to go on it alone and enjoy what you can't for the both of us, but instead those tickets are going to waste.  I might as well have thrown them in the trash, the day that I found out that we wouldn't be using them together. It would bring me too much pain to try to enjoy for the two of us what I should only be having to enjoy for myself. _

_ I'm going to keep our rings as a reminder of what we had and what we hoped to share because all I can do now is cherish the memories of the past and try to forget that it was ever going to be our future.  _

_ I hope you don't find me selfish for not taking the trip of a lifetime and not being able to bear sending anybody else on it for us. I know you would much rather me have donated them but I just can't see somebody else having our happiness. It is not mine to give away, but rather ours to share. _

_ I might not be yours legally, and you might not be mine, but we’ll always be each other's in my heart. _

_                                                                                                                                                                    Love, Link _

Link stared down at the letter and wondered if he should be saying more, if what he had said wasn't enough. The clock read 12:09 in the afternoon.


	5. Chapter 5

Link’s arms stung as he picked up his pen and placed it to his paper. He had thought that a long sleeve would contain the blood to his arms and not drip on the stationery, but instead, it just seeped through and began to imprint on his page. Life wasn't worth living anymore, and he had the scars to prove it. The clock read 1:03 in the morning.

_Dear Rhett,_

_It's been a year since I lost you and every day is same. It's full of longing for you, of wishing this had never happened, of wanting you to come back. It's full of pain and agony and praying that it would just all end._

_My life is worth nothing without you and the marks on my body and the blood on my skin prove that fact to be true. Every day without you hurts and I've been wishing for the past 365 days that I never have to live another one._

_I tried therapists, I tried going to the hospital on inpatient stays, I tried medication to numb the pain of being alone. I tried everything that I could and nothing seemed to work. Nothing does work. Nothing ever will work._

_My life without you is the worst doom I could ever imagine. I don't want to live another day like this. So, tonight I'm not writing you just any old note. This is not the same type of letter that we've grown accustomed to sharing with each other. This is the last note I will ever write you, the last note I will ever write anybody, because tonight is the night that I come home to you._

_I hate to do this to my parents. I saw what it did to yours, and it was unspeakable, the torture that it put them through. They lost you solely by chance, by the cruel lottery of this world picking you as its loser and taking you away from us all._

_My parents will lose me by my own choice and by my own hand. They will think there was something that they could have done more to save me, that this was something that could have been prevented. But in truth, nobody could ever do anything to stop me from feeling this way and to stop me from making this decision. Because it's the only thing that'll save me from living out the rest of my days here on this cruel Earth in pain._

_They say it's till death do us part and I didn't make that promise. I didn't get to marry you like I should have. I can make my own promises seeing that a lot didn't make them for me, and I choose that you're mine even after death do us part, and even after you're gone I'll continue to do things for the benefit of the two of us, because we are who matter to a thing called love._

_I'm sorry to my parents and to my aunts and uncles and cousins and everybody who loves me. This has nothing to do with not feeling loved and it's not their fault. I never want anybody to think that it was their fault. It is solely by my own deliberation and consideration for myself that I'm making the choice tonight to end my life._

_I love everyone who has put in so much work to love me all these years and I sincerely apologize for putting them through the pain that I am about to when they find my body slumped over this desk in a day or two, but I need to escape this world because there's no good in it left without you in it._

_I'll see you around, bo. Hopefully God will forgive me for my sin and grant me admittance into Heaven so that I can finally be with you once and for all._

_Goodnight, my darling._

_Love, Link_

Link held a gun in his left hand and switched it to his right once his pen was back in its rightful place. He held it to his right temple and put his finger on the trigger. He took a deep breath before he did anything more, giving himself one final chance to change his mind about what he was about to do. There was no going back from putting a bullet straight into his brain and he wanted to make sure that he was a hundred percent positive before continuing.

He reminded himself life wasn't worth living without Rhett, and he knew what he had to do because if he didn't, he would only experience suffering into the day that he passed from causes out of his control. He didn't want to hurt anymore, and so he pressed his finger down on to the rightful place of the gun and put a bullet in his head. His grip going slack, he slumped over the desk that he had used to express his pain for the past year. This was it. It was over. The clock read 1:45 in the morning.


End file.
